It Are HURT. D:

Yes, well, in case some of you didn't know, I was hospitalised for 8 days for meningitis. I'll be on MC this entire week, but I can go back to school if I feel better within the course of this week.

By the way, Thursday's off, under strict regulations by Mother Dearest...sorry Nat.

It developed from a viral infection in my brain(I've gotten sick of the brain jokes, so shut up already, I know I'm fricken' retarded up there). Symptoms included a really ouchyfied headache that won't go away no matter how many godforsaken pills you pop, fever, nausea and/or vomiting, stiffness in the neck and/or spine, photo and/or phonophobia(heightened sensitivity to light/sound) and several others which I didn't get, and can't be bothered to type out anyways.

All the other symptoms listed above were experienced by Yours Truly. And believe me, it wasn't any fun. In the few days before my hospital admission to TTSH, I was shambling around with my head in my hands, groaning and moaning like a bitch. The people who brought me to the sick bay and the people sitting at the back of the class should know. I was bothering them with my griping throughout school.

Turns out that by some freakishly brilliant stroke of luck, I actually had a viral infection in my brain, which lead to meningitis. I'm far too lazy to explain how I got it, so search it up on Wiki if you like. The CT scan I went for showed negative for any growth, but the Neuroscience consultant was still doubtful, so I underwent a lumbar puncture.

It hurt like a bitch and made me bawl like one.

Well, all in all, I'm better now, but I'll still be suffering from migraines once in a while, because, well, it's a long-term sort of thing, migraines. By the way, the doctors tell me I've got low blood pressure, which explains why I've been having those blackouts every time I get up from sitting. I'm such a sick kid. Blehh.

Thanks to everyone who sent me well-wishes and visited me, especially Nat and LSE...what were you guys trynna do, break a record or something?



But srsly. Thanks.

Full Moon?

God help me.

I thought I was okay when I saw the moon yesterday and felt nothing, but it was only momentary.

The adrenaline rushes are starting to seep in, and I can't even see the moon yet.

So far, so good. I haven't gotten any morbid tendencies just yet.

But oh-my-GOODNESS, my head's going extremely trippy.

I need to run, VERY VERY far and FAST.

Mmmmmmphhhhhhhhhhh.

Yesterday was super awesome, by the way.

I'm still grinning like a mad idiot.

Or maybe that's just the lunar effect.







AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH, IT'S LIKE SOMETHING'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE IN MY LEFT VENTRICLE BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmphhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I've been trying to listen to soft music, but it does nothing.




I hope it goes away before Monday.

Two Quizzes, A Poem And Something Of An Incoherent Rant.

1.How tall are you? 163-164 cm. I have no idea why it fluctuates.

2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship? Lol. Do I look like a frisky sort of person?

3. Do you own a gun? No, duh. I wish I did, though.

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be? Delusional disorder. Wiki it up.

5. How many letters are in your crush's name? Seven. No, sixteen. Wait, wait, six. Argh, forget it.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? They should come in smaller buns. And larger sausage sizes. I'm craving meat currently.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? FRAAAAAWSTEEEEE THA SNOWMAAAAAAAAAAN...*goes horribly off-key*

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Juice, but I never get it.

9. Do you do push-ups? Two weeks before NAPFA. Then I start panicking.

10. Have you ever done ecstasy? ...do I look like a junkie to you? Wait, don't answer that.

11. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? ...moo?

12. Do you like the rain? Most days. It gets better when you're at home, all warm and toasty under the comforters.

13.Do you own a knife? Yes. *shifty eyes*

14. What do you smell like? Wet rags.

15. Do you have A.D.D.(Attention Deficit Disorder)? No, but I sure look like I do sometimes.

16. Full initials? S.AB.L

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:

• Eating grilled salmon
• What time some person is going to call me
• How I'm going to fare for SPA

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought today:

• A pack of 4 AAA Batteries
• Grilled Salmon with Spaghetti and Potato Salad
• Breathmints

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink, in order most to least.

• Water
• Tea
• Milo
• Milk
• Cordial

20. What time did you wake up today? 6.10 a.m

21. Can you spell? Enough to save my life.

22. Current worry? Whether I'm gonna make it through the O's.

23. Favorite place to be? Outside, walking on my own.

24. Least favorite place to be? In the midst of a packed crowd.

25. Where would you like to go? The moon!

26. Do you own slippers? Yeah.

27. What do you think you'll be? A graphic novelist.

28. Do you burn or tan? Tan, but only very slightly. I'm far too dark to burn anymore.

30.Yellow or blue? Blue. Yellow sucks.

31. Would you be a pirate? YAAARRRR!

32.Last time your cell rang? 5.30 p.m...three missed calls. My phone was on silent...sorry!

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Um. Stuff from Creed and Nickelback. I don't sing, I caterwaul.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Oh, I remember when I was a little kid, after closing my eyes to go to sleep, I'd squeeze them as tight as possible so I wouldn't open them again. Because I was afraid of opening my eyes, and seeing the hollowed-out, badly decomposing face of a corpse, like I did in one nightmare.

35. What's in your pockets right now? Lint. :D

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Jeff Dunham's ventriloquist act on YouTube.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? These sheets which had squares in every colour of the rainbow on them. They made me feel all woozy.

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Jumping really high on my paren'ts bed, falling off in mid-leap and landing head-first on my skull. On the stone floor. God knows how I survived.

39. What is your GPA(Grade Point Average)? YOU SO DON'T WANNA KNOW.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Just the one.
41. Who is your loudest friend? All of them.

42. Who is your most silent friend? Tiggy. He never speaks.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? I ate some jellybeans. They tasted very nice. Sorry. what was the question again?

44. Do you wish on stars? I pray to God.

45. What is your favorite book? The Kite Runner. Still.

46. What song did you last hear? Our Song by Taylor Swift.

49. What were you doing 12AM last night? Spacing out, because I took a nap earlier on.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? How much I didn't get to sleep.

51. Does anyone know your password to your email? Nobody. NOBODYYY.

52. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds? An apple pie.

53. Are you an emotional person? I really have no idea. I can swing from emotional to stoic just like that. It depends on what I'm currently thinking of.

54. Do you like your school? Very much. Yeah, laugh.

55. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in love. But not at first sight. That's called being horny.

56. Ever felt jealous of your friend? Sometimes. I'm generally cool with most people.

57. What was the last thing you did? Trying to complete this quiz. Still doing it.

58. Who is right next to you? My younger sister.

59. Who was the last person you ate with? Diyana. Then we got stuck under the umbrella bench, 'cause it was raining all around us.

60. What song are you listening to right now? Get Down by the Backstreet Boys. Yes, LAUGH.

61. How's the weather right now? Cold and rainy.

62. Last person who called you today? My mother. Again.

64. Last song you sang? Stop and Stare by One Republic. And as I said

65. Last time you danced? Sports Day mass dance practice for P.E today in the hall.

66. Lost a friendship over something stupid? I very nearly lost one of my best friends in primary school. But we're cool now.

67. Last thing you ate? Toast.

68. Been really depressed before? Is this some kind of trick question?

69. Faked being sick to miss school? Only when extremely necessary. *cough cough*

70. What time did you wake up today? LOL, REPEATED QUESTION.

71. Current taste? Fish. Don't ask why.

72. Who is the person that posted this survey? I got it from Bernie.

73. What are you wearing right now? Sec 3 class shirt and camo shorts.

74. Are you too shy to ask anyone out? I don't think so.

75. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ...nothing?

76.Where are you right now? Home.

77. What date and day is it? 19th March, 2008, on a rainy Wednesday.

78. Did you go anywhere today? School?

79. What did you do there? Some educational bullshit. And some studying afterwards.

80. How old are you? I turned 16 in February.

81. Are you mature or immature? I tend to display both traits.

82. Do you call your parents by their first name? Hell no. She'd skin me alive.

83. Are you an only child? Second in four siblings.

84. Where do you go shopping? I don't.

85. Do you like where you work? I wish I could start working.

86. Do you like books? Sort of.

87. Do you want to get married? The thought of holy matrimony scares the sh*t outta me.

88. To whom? I DON'T WANNA!

_________________________________________________________

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	High

Discover Your Sins - Click Here




...at least I'm not lustful.

__________________________________________________________

Warmth.

There are many things unspoken
which need not be said.
Silences are left unbroken
and prudence left for dead.
There are many things that do not need
a voice to take a form.
When emotions grow and start to take seed,
we break off from the norm.
Linked are our hearts to our minds,
with feelings in between.
So read my gestures, hark the signs
as I make my feelings seen.
I speak not a verse, read not a rhyme
as I sit here next to you.
I'll just slowly spend all of my time
showing just how true
this velvet joy, this quiet bliss
is as the blood that runs
through my veins as we once kissed
under a thousand splendid suns.

This is badly, badly unfinished. I need some help. Any takers?

_________________________________________________________

RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT

...seriously, what the hell?

What Siti Atiqah Bte Lukman Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are. You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth. You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Love Is NOT A Fallacy.

So, I was just reading this short story by Max Shulman, entitled Love Is A Fallacy, for English period. We're supposed to discuss this passage after the holidays, but I just thought it would be better to just let out everything that's been going through my mind as well. It's also partly due to the fact that the title kind of pissed me off.

First off, what is a fallacy? According to Dictionary.com, it's a deceptive, misleading, or false notion or belief. For example, saying that the world is flat, THAT'S a fallacy.

Basically, the dumbass in the story ultimately comes down to that particular conclusion. And why? Because he was too much of a logical analyst, I suppose.

Now, most of you may be scratching your heads, wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Surely a left-brained person, with more cerebral and practical thinking patterns would come to something that made more sense? No, not necessarily. In fact, it's more likely that the more you try to think rationally, more systematically, making everything more computerised...the more it starts to make less and less sense.

Let me explain. Normally, as human beings, it is ingrained in us the tendency to want to make order out of chaos, to organise. It's one of the instincts made special for us homo sapiens. Heck, even within us, there are several systems set for us to regain an enviroment of normality. I'm talking about the process of homeoestasis. Without this system of constant maintenance, choas would ensue, followed by near certain death. It's the same thing with out obsession to keep things in line. It just goes against our most basic natures, what evolution has carved out for us.

But being people, being human souls, that just takes it to a whole new different dimension. We are probably the only species on Earth that have within us the gift of compassion; that is, the ability to sympathise with other creatures. It is this, combined with all the emotions given to any living person that separates us from the other beasts. It is the stuff that drives us to do the most remarkable acts of heroism, compassion...and yes, remarkable acts of love as well. We are not merely black and white; rather, a spectrum of colours in between. And that is why sometimes, things seem a whole lot simpler if we just listened to our hearts.

So how the hell can anyone come up to you and say,"Hey, all this talk about love is just fricken' bullshit." Hell, I'd go up to that person, smack him upside the face and tell him to go back to his mom and tell her how much she means to him. Love is about as real as it can get. Sure, there's about a bajillion different meanings for this quirky little four-letter word, and you can't really put a finger on it, but each and every one of us have a bit of it ingrained in us, ticking and beating along to the rhythms of our heart. It's as real as you and me. And if you still insist on love being a fallacy, heck. This whole goddamn WORLD is fucking fake.

And why do I believe so whole-heartedly in this, you ask?

Because, judging by the circumstances coming my way and weighing the reasons for it all, I think I'm slowly falling in love myself.

God, I Suck.

And I mean the above in a 'GAWD, I sssssuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh-ckk' sort of way, scrunching my face up for effect.

To my fellow debaters and class, you guys did super well. Especially ZJ, who was honestly flipping out beforehand. You guys made our class proud. I'm just really, really sorry I couldn't do as well. I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me somehow, because I honestly can't forgive myself right now. I just can't believe I completely blanked out in front of two classes, WITH all my points right in front of me.

I had my stuff.

I was prepared.

So why the hell did that happen? That was totally uncalled for. That was not part of the plan. I wasn't supposed to freak out. I wasn't supposed to just freaking WALK OUT on the whole thing. That was a disaster. That was a total, complete disaster and it was because of me that we lost. That's why I'm so disappointed with myself. If I had just kept calm, do what I was supposed to do and FOCUS...even if we lost, I knew I put up a fight.

But I didn't.

I just went paper-white, empty porridge-bowl-blank.

I don't know what exactly happened; maybe it was because I was up against my friends. Maybe I got intimidated. Maybe I couldn't think up anything against the preposition fast enough. Maybe it was the motion. Whatever it was, EVERYONE went through it. So why didn't I make it?

Nevertheless, being the innocent souls they were, they applauded after I was done, even though they should've been stoning me instead. And even though I was on the brink of climbing the giant metallic structure behind me and hurling myself off the top in an attempt to commit hara kiri, I still managed to bearhug Trishna, Sally and Masyitah. I'm just really angry with myself for not giving them something to work against.

This was an easy victory for them.

This was honourless for me.

God, I suck. I suck so bad.

Thank for trying to make me feel better, guys.

This cheered me up a little bit.

30 Things You Never Knew About Me.

1. I have a soft spot for old school love songs. Especially those from Air Supply.

2. I used to be afraid of heights. I kind of still am, though. I like the ground very much.

3. I'm allergic to dust, Ribena and grapes.

4. I love rainbows. You can distract me with anything that's brightly multicoloured.

5. I'm also easily distracted by food. Especially meat. MEAT.

6. Okay, okay. I watch hentai. *averts eyes*

7. I secretly rave to techno when nobody's looking.

8. Okay. So I like fluff. So what? I mean, it's all soft...and furry.

9. I have a soft spot for living things in their infancy. Kittens, snake hatchlings...and even human babies.

10. I have a guitar. I've named her Sharyn, after one of my favourite songs Rose of Sharyn.

11. I'm a furry.

12. I like men.

13. I like un-men as well.

14. I am in love with the vocals of Howard Jones from Killswitch Engage. It's one of those deep, gospel-like voices. HE'S A FREAKING TENOR, GODDAMNIT.

15. I do attend a madrasah(religious school).

16. I luff Mika! Everybody's gonna love today, love today, love todaaaayy...

17. I got sick of anime at some point two years ago. I now tread in the footsteps of Dark Horse, Marvel and DC.

18. I still love Pokemon.

19. I wish I was Beastboy from Teen Titans. Man, that guy is the reason for the phrase 'the animal inside of you'.

20. I used to dance to BSB. I still do, sometimes.

21. I like cheese very much. Like, cheese nachos, the cheezy croissant from the canteen, grilled cheese sandwiches...

22. I can't take milk in the morning. I'm lactose intolerant like that.

23. My favourite numbers are , 5, 7, 10, 13, 15, 35, 50, 69, 99, 100 and 300.

24. I LOVE THE COLOUR ORANGE OMFG. I LIKE EVERYTHING THAT'S ORANGE. ORANGE SODA, ORANGES, THE SUN, TIGERS, FOXES...oh, and my other favourite colours are black and steel grey, as well as copper sulphate blue.

25. My favourite animals are the tiger, wildcat and fox. Gophers have a soft spot in my heart as well.

26. I don't like gems. I'd rather silver, stainless steel and titanium. I like chains.

27. I'm a bit of a masochist.

28. My extensive list of alternative names include:

• Atiq
• Tiq
• Tiqah
• Tiky
• Tiky-Wiky
• Tweaky
• Tickytickybombom(Syamimi used to call me this)
• Tique
• Artique
• Sir Artique Igneus Linton(D.E.Pers would know...I just added the middle name 'cause I was a demon warlord)
• Stupid,
• Chicken
• Bear
• Button
• Beancurd
• Dipshit
• Ass
• Asshole
• Piece Of Shit
• Fool
• Dumbass
• Hey, you!
• Mister
• OI!
• Boy
• Girl
• Homo
• Freak
• Weirdo
• Tikus
• Kak Atiq
• Tikkatikkatikkatikkatikkatik
• Weakling
• Bitch
• Bastard
• Jerk
• Loser
• Slacker
• Mofo
• Apu
• YOUU FUCKER!
  

29. I used to have goldfishes, a canary, a mouse and two hamsters. They all died.

30. I'm going to be in a baaaaand.

SUPA DANCE REMIX FEVAAAAA!

I think it's safe to say that anime has been raped.

BY

THE

CARAMELLDANSEN.




PRINCE OF TENNIS RAPE


DEATH NOTE RAPE


NARUTO RAPE


FRUITS BASKET RAPE


KYOU KARA MAOU RAPE


AVATAR RAPE


FINAL FANTASY RAPE [WARNING: MAY CAUSE EPILEPTIC SEIZURES]


POKEMON RAPE


HIGURASHI NO NAKU KORO NI RAPE [That was a mouthful.]


LOVELESS RAPE [Duh. Ain't they all loveless?]


D-GRAY MAN RAPE




...and last, but not least...


EPIC FUCKING WIN.

Another Reason To Be Banned From The Intarnetz.

Don't come here in the presence of your old folks, kiddies.

'Cause I'mma put some good ol' metal muzak on this shindig, hell yeah.

This just in from the news. 15 people have been hospitalised for consuming a fake sex pill, aptly named "Power 1 Walnut'. I'm not kidding; go Google it if you don't believe me.

So you could've taken it and got stoned instead of boned, and wake up in a ward a day later. All because you wanted some extra bang on your banger. Hilarious shit.







That aside, I wish to apologise about the sudden colourful outburst in my last post. It seems I have some unsettled issues still lurking in the far-off corners of my mind. It's not so much anger as blind rage and well, maybe insanity. I don't know. Sometimes when I get left alone and unmonitored for far too long, voices just flood in my head.

Okay, I know I'm talking crazy talk, but whatever. I'm seriously not kidding. Then other times, I find myself looking at crowds of people all funny, and suddenly wishing I had a sawblade...or something else...and run through them all, laughing manically and drawing blood from their writhing, screaming bodies...

And other times, I close my eyes and just visualise myself, an eight-foot tall beast, fur matted with sweat, blood and filth, feasting on the corpses of freshly disemboweled men, women and children. Then I'd run wild with the rest of my pack brothers, dashing through the forest undergrowth, roaring and howling in feral delight.

Bloodlust? No. Maybe it's my warped imagination, releasing pent-up feelings. It's better for me to keep all those feelings inside and hidden rather than taking it out on others. Because I have a way of dealing with these horrible wants, and most of you don't.

Then again, I tend to lose control over this...animal...inside of me. And that's when you REALLY don't wanna piss me off, because I can show you a side of me not many have seen. Warning signs include running away from the rest of society, locking myself in the toilet cubicle and staring at certain people all funny, my eyebrows furrowed and my head lowered. I won't talk much either. That's a big indicator.

And when you catch me behaving like this, be nice and gentle. It's for your own good.






Ouh. Mah. Fizzlesticks.

Guess what? I've just taken a look out of the window, and there's a FULL MOON.





Coincidence?

Maybe NOT.

I Feel Fucking Hardcore.

So, I've been feeling extremely fucked up in the head and cold as deep frozen shit in the last couple o' hours.

Amazing how being alone with the beast in your head can fuck you up so badly.

Let's just let it all out here.

ifucking HATEYOU leave me alone why AM i even alive shit knows nothing kill you killyoufuckingKILLyou why I don't know;SHIT, GOANDFUCKING KILLYOURSELF YOU selfishstupidungratefulfuckingWHORE shoot yourselfinYOURFUCKING BIMBBLOWMEawayNONONONONONOTTHEBELTNOTTHEBELTkillmekillmekillmeHAHAHA, YOU DON'TCAREYOUDON'TKNOWYOUFUCKINGBITCHKILLMEKILLMEthere'sblack THERE'S A MONSTER MOMMY HELP ME HELP ME IT'S EATING ME MY FUCKING INNARDS ARE BEING EATEN UP HELP ME HELP ME AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA shit shit shit I dare you dare you double dare you don't you DARE RUN AWAY FROM ME COME BACK HERE AND LET ME KILL YOU TEAR YOU APART, blood; lots and lots. I need to kill somebody SOMEBODY GET THE FUCK OVER HERE AND DIE; I NEED THIS I NEED THIS I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I KILLED YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER AND YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FAMILY ALL IN ONE. HAHA! HOW DOES THAT SOUND, YOU SICK, PERVERTED SON OF A FUCKING BITCHFACED DOGFUCKING WHORE?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! IIIII DO NTTTTT NEEEEDD AANNNY HEEEEEEEELP HEEEERREEERERERERER III HAAAAAAAATTTETETETETETET YOUU AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Bad Tiky, You Sonofabitch.

I'm starting to think that it's becoming a habit of mine to make my own life twist and turn into a bloody Korean drama. I mean, seriously. I can't stop falling into potholes and then screaming for help(mostly from Shiren...sorry) only to fall right back into another one just half a foot away.

Why, Tiky? WHY?

It doesn't help either that I tend to be a tad too insensitive, like almost everybody says nowadays. To be honest, I already AM trying my best to be as soft and feely as humanely possible. Obviously, that's not working out too well. I'm...I'm a fucking ROCK.

And how does an almost emotionally-devoid lump of minerals cope with sensitivity?

Disaster, I tell you. Disaster.

It's not that I don't care. Hell, if I never gave a shit, why the fuck would I lie wide awake till 3 in the morning, worrying about how to break it to you? You're just so fragile inside; putting you next to an impulsive kid like me just doesn't work out. I'm far too thick-skinned for my own good.

I don't feel pain. More like mind-numbing guilt. I never meant to hurt anybody. I never wanted to. But sometimes, trying to avoid conflict just makes conflict itself all the more inevitable. Look at the League of Nations, for example.

I never meant for it to go out of hand. Believe me. I'm just doing whatever seems right at the moment. I know a lot of people think I'm selfish for doing this, but please, think. Hasn't anybody assessed the situation I'm in? I'm trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea. Either I do this, or I unwittingly lead on someone I never loved in the first place. It is never pleasant being the bearer of bad news. It is never pleasant making anybody cry. It is never pleasant being the one to break another's heart.

Especially when you don't really feel anything at all.

That is when my conscience fucking kills me.

Very Special Days Indeed.

Oh no.

Oh no.

Oh no.




That dreaded day of cooties and plush, pink fluff has come back.

AGAIN.

And right on time with my periodical "Screw-The-World" moodswing.

This could make for some serious consequences indeed.

You see, during the above mentioned span of time, I have a tendency to do the most extreme of things. Because of the apathy felt towards everything and everyone, the same also applies to the general rules of society.

This also means the complete and total disregard of the basic expectations of a normal, stable citizen of Planet Earth.

Which, coupled with such a horribly mushy, un-Tiky-ethical event, might have very, very dangerous outcomes, usually involving out-of-character behaviour.

Such behavioural traits include a sudden rise in voice pitch, excessive skipping down corridors, and ear-splitting, screeching renditions of annoyingly cheesy love songs, a majority of which come from old, mouldy boybands.

God help you all.

Tag Replies, BITCH. >:D

In chronological order, nothing more, nothing less.


Jonk
Goodness, I must've lost count on the number of times Mrs Loy's said that to me. Yep, I'm a rock that needs a real, hard shove to get up and going. Or you could just bribe me, that'd work just as well, or even better. What I need is that one, motivating factor, that zingy thingy, that...WHOOSH. And I'll be on my way. Yeah, 2008's been a fresh new page for me, and yes, WAY WAY WAY better than last year. I fucking WASTED the year before. Must get off my fat arse and go. By the way, I has not talked sicky with you in like, a gazillion years. My distant MOSSPian behaviour MUST show itself soon.

Squirrel
Dude, we came from the goddamned same freaky factory. Of course there'd be some similarity in the way we think, ne? True, this life is indeed mine to forge and form for my own, but you have to remember that Mother Dearest still plays a major part of my life still. I'm only sixteen. In her eyes, I'm still a damn dog on a damn leash. True, she is my mom after all, but how long can that love last? Singaporean dreams will stay Singaporean for a very, very long time, no matter how much the mindsets now have changed. But yes, I will try. I think I'll go aim for a good JC now. About my dad, I never gave him a second thought. It's just that everyone else seems to be under the impression that I'm like this because he left. And yes, Squirrel, things just wouldn't be the same without fuzzy old stickly you. I don't think you'll ever find out just how much space you take up in my life. I mean that. Carrots.

Wong
You...DO? I feel so touched. :D We MUST work hard, dude. JIAYOU! I wanna share the triumph with you when we get back our O-Level slips.

Bern
TLC? I AM NOT THAT SOFT, YOU MINISCULE LITTLE BEAR. >:( But thanks for the offer. You deserve a head patting, my equally wacky junior. (: And glomping is always welcomed by this kitsune.

Beaguin
Beaguin, you never fail to dispense some of the best advice. I think I'll go with the destination thingamajig. I see a guitar, a sketchbook, and lots of colours in the future. Seriously. Graphic design sounds awesome. So does animation. And in between, there's always space for a part-time band. Think musical rainbows and the like. Feel-good stuff. You know, I think this might work. As for the loads of luff...I can feel it already. XD

Shah
Ahh. Y'know Shah, you're not the only person who's had this peculiar little situation. And up till today, I am STILL baffled by this behaviour. I don't get why you'd even feel loserly around me; rather, I'm the one who used to feel loserly around people. You included, I guess. I had the impression that you were one of those uber-cool people who can slack and get away scott-free first time I saw you a couple of years back. It's just that I find it so goddamned weird that anyone would feel shy around me. I mean, DUDE. Take a good, long look. I'm a completely whimsical slackerdoodle lump. I'm...I'm a Tiky. No other way to put it. So long as you've got a sense of humour, aren't a bitch, are okay with cussing and won't rip me to shreds, you're an instant friend. So why the awkwardness? Ditch that, Shah. Maybe hanging out might even be a little fun. That is, if that's okay with you. (:

Natalie
Nat, there's one thing you should know about me, and that is art has NEVER been a sideline for me. It's always been the main story. I honestly can't see myself doing anything that deviates from what I love the most, even as a kid, even through the disapproving glances of my aunts and uncles. And yes, dear, ranting IS good. (:

Nade
Everyone keeps on saying I've got potential, I've got potential, I've got potential, potential, potential...the amount of potential in my body should've made me morbidly obese by the way everyone keeps on pointing it out. It makes me sound like a fat turkey of sorts. Horrible humour aside, you're right, maybe I was just distracted. However, I need someone to help me focus. It would be nice if you and a few more people could study together during recess or some other time, so that we'd all get back on track. God knows how much we need this shove. And thank you so much for all your concern; I just feel that sometimes, I don't deserve all this from you. It's more than I think I should get. In a way, I am kinda guilty. But just remember that you are an important figure in my life; not just because you said so first, but because I really do care about you. Don't ever forget that.

Stuck In Reverse.

God, Biology's on Thursday. What the HELL am I doing online.

Yes, I've broken my resolution already. And it's still January.

But fuck that crap; I need to get this recorded somewhere my mother can't find. She's been rooting through my stuff lately.

So I've been feeling this odd sensation for a few days now. It's not so much a feeling than a lack of it; but still, I need to describe it somehow. It feels hollow. There is no squirming Squid in my chest anymore; rather, it seems to have manifested itself into a sort of skeletal, grayish void. Like a sort of cavern, except without the beauty. The only similarity between the two is the same old asphyxiation, in the same area in my chest.

It's like being alone, no matter where the fuck I find myself. Though I'm going to hate myself for sounding like a hypocrite, it's like being in some sort of despair of some kind. It's a fucking whoopsy-doodle that came out of nowhere. I refuse to cry, but holding it back gave me a small migraine today, during my Chem/A Math period.

It came so suddenly. The realisation that I was never going to amount to anything, the way I was going. How much money do artists actually make? No, seriously. I didn't even have enough to go to NAFA. And I doubt my relatives would want to support me. Who supports the aesthetically inclined paupers in paper-chasing Singapore? Only the tourism board. And the middle to upper class.

Reality check. I'm from the working class. With a mother who works a nine to five job at some soldering factory, an older sister who works as a clerk and comes home in the ungodly hours of the night, and two younger siblings who obviously are about the most unpromising fucks I could ever meet. Everyone's looking at me expectantly. They wanna see magic; they wanna see money. Everybody wants to see money, because everybody is sick and hateful and tired of the life we're having now. We hate dad. Fuck that bastard. So what comes first? Education.

Look at her, she's a gone case.
She was so bright in primary school; what happened along the way?
It was her father, that's what.
Oh, poor girl. Pity the mother; she tries so hard.

FUCK YOU, OKAY? He had NOTHING to do with it. If it was anything, it was me. I just got sick of everything and everyone along the way. I just got jaded. I just lost the meaning of it all. Why even TRY? Why even LIVE? How does that feel? You're shocked now, aren't you? I'm selfish, I know. Say it to my face. While you're at it, why don't you just go and fucking take a knife and stab it as well? I just want to die, just crash and burn and be curled up, stuck in some dark hole for the rest of eternity where nobody cares and nobody bothers.

Because the way I see it, it really, honestly wouldn't interrupt anybody else's life if I just slashed out my own.

I Am Going To Challenge Panic! At The Disco In Making The Most Ridiculously Long Title To Anything Created By Man, Which, I Think I Have Achieved.

Hehe. I love parodying dumb poser bands.

Anywho-how, CCA Promotion Day went on as planned today. Well, not quite as planned. Turns out I wasn't late.

AMAZING!

I came at around 7.35, where Bernie was already setting up stuff. Set up laptops, played Through The Fire And Flames...then, with the advent of Nat the Bat, turned on MCR's Life On The Murder Scene.

It was fun at first...but got boring later...

So we decided to speed Gerard up and made the funeral dancers twitch violently in front of the mourners, making them look like a mass orgy...of sorts.

Then, I scooted around the school with Fai recording the various CCAs and brashly advertising Infocomm and LDS on the way as well. In my own speshul Tiky way, of course.

Which includes random shouting and excessive hand gestures usually associated with violence.

It was very boring, truth be told. Perhaps it was due to the fact that we, being seniors, were manning the whole operation shebang, but still. There was something missing; it seemed all too empty compared to the previous years of CCA Promo. Heck, why am I even reading in so deep into these things? I got my black Infocomm shirt. I should be happy. (:

By the way, Natalie, just because Shippou is a weakling compared to the others in the Inu travelling troupe, it DOES NOT MEAN that all kitsunes are useless. I'm a demon warlord, okizay. Yeah, okay, so I don't exactly have powers made for destruction. But I can trick anyone's ass upside-down and silly with my transformation. And I have weapons to wreak havoc with. Ch'yeaaaah.

Besides, who doesn't like teh fuzzy orange fox? :D

Imma Be A SOUL Rocker, Mama.

HURRRR HURRRRRR HUHRRRRRHRHRHHRHR DRAGONFORCE BABYYYYY YEAAAAAAAAH

:D

You know what? Screw art. If I don't make it there, I'm going to rock the world like they do. Imma be a RAWWKSTARR.

That's my life's plan B.

Tiky the timebomb.

Honestly, looking back at what I've done and how far I've gone, I'd say I've done a lot of things on impulse. There was this time I tackled a girl to the ground in primary school, smoked a Marlboro red one rainy Sunday afternoon, read my sister's diary, jumped down a flight of stairs to see if I could land safely, when I couldn't...

Yeah. Real dumb things.cr

One might ask, with exasperation and gentle pleading,"Why, Tiky? Whyfore must thou subject thyself to such brute dumbassery? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID, YOU FAT BASTARD?!"

Well, that's just it.

I have no clue.

It's almost as if there was some kind of invisible trigger mechanism deep inside my gut that goes BANG whenever something challenging my mortality comes my way, be it kicking the cat or dashing across the road before the green man even lights up. It's sort of like taking crack downed with Fanta and coffee. I GO LIKEA ROCKET GO SHOOOOOOM-SHOOOOOOOOM.

Then again, these periodic outbursts of random high-risk taking are just that - periodical. Or course, nobody knows for sure when they will pop up, but they can be detected with symptoms such as excessive jittering and loud exclamations of HAAAAAW SHYTE IMMA FEEEELIN' HIIIIIGH TODAAAAAAY! *gasping, choking noise*

So, do be on the lookout if you see an unnaturally happy Tiky bounding along the corridor, grinning dementedly at the walls.

It may just be the last thing you see.

TEH CARAMELLDANSEN!!!

Let's just start with a video that kept me up till 3.30 am, dancing the Caramelldansen.




IT'S JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY, ISN'T IT?! I was doing the stupid dance before I went to sleep, after I woke up, after bathing, and out the door! KYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

You just HAVE to dance the Caramelldansen! 8D

Hey-hey-he-he-hey Charlie the Unicorn Remix

This is too freaking funny. It's my ringtone now.

Hope this made your day, lulz.

Inner Animal.

You know, I've always found the mutant ability to transfigure into a different animal highly interesting. Call me weird, but the idea of being all furry and clawed is just the coolest thing in the world. That's why BeastBoy's my favourite Teen Titan.

Well, maybe without all the green. I'd rather be a flaming shade of vermillion.

But to be part animal? I've always wanted to be one, ever since I was a kid.

This might explain why I love werewolves so much more than vampires. I just don't tick with the whole sexy, pale-as-death, come-hither-and-I'll-suck-you-dry thing. Too serpentine for my tastes. They are cold, and undead, and irregularly angled. Like

But the loup-garou, the lycanthropes...the werewolf. Now that, you can feel the warmth, the pulsing blood, the wilderness. There's just so much fire under all that dark, matted fur, the same fire that runs within the predators of the forest. Passion that burns, and fuels the rush and thrill of the hunt.

This is also the reason why I'm a kitsune. ^_^

Anyways, I took this test on a website. It says I'm a Wildcat, and possibly, also a Fox.













Try it out!