Stuck In Reverse.

God, Biology's on Thursday. What the HELL am I doing online.

Yes, I've broken my resolution already. And it's still January.

But fuck that crap; I need to get this recorded somewhere my mother can't find. She's been rooting through my stuff lately.

So I've been feeling this odd sensation for a few days now. It's not so much a feeling than a lack of it; but still, I need to describe it somehow. It feels hollow. There is no squirming Squid in my chest anymore; rather, it seems to have manifested itself into a sort of skeletal, grayish void. Like a sort of cavern, except without the beauty. The only similarity between the two is the same old asphyxiation, in the same area in my chest.

It's like being alone, no matter where the fuck I find myself. Though I'm going to hate myself for sounding like a hypocrite, it's like being in some sort of despair of some kind. It's a fucking whoopsy-doodle that came out of nowhere. I refuse to cry, but holding it back gave me a small migraine today, during my Chem/A Math period.

It came so suddenly. The realisation that I was never going to amount to anything, the way I was going. How much money do artists actually make? No, seriously. I didn't even have enough to go to NAFA. And I doubt my relatives would want to support me. Who supports the aesthetically inclined paupers in paper-chasing Singapore? Only the tourism board. And the middle to upper class.

Reality check. I'm from the working class. With a mother who works a nine to five job at some soldering factory, an older sister who works as a clerk and comes home in the ungodly hours of the night, and two younger siblings who obviously are about the most unpromising fucks I could ever meet. Everyone's looking at me expectantly. They wanna see magic; they wanna see money. Everybody wants to see money, because everybody is sick and hateful and tired of the life we're having now. We hate dad. Fuck that bastard. So what comes first? Education.

Look at her, she's a gone case.
She was so bright in primary school; what happened along the way?
It was her father, that's what.
Oh, poor girl. Pity the mother; she tries so hard.

FUCK YOU, OKAY? He had NOTHING to do with it. If it was anything, it was me. I just got sick of everything and everyone along the way. I just got jaded. I just lost the meaning of it all. Why even TRY? Why even LIVE? How does that feel? You're shocked now, aren't you? I'm selfish, I know. Say it to my face. While you're at it, why don't you just go and fucking take a knife and stab it as well? I just want to die, just crash and burn and be curled up, stuck in some dark hole for the rest of eternity where nobody cares and nobody bothers.

Because the way I see it, it really, honestly wouldn't interrupt anybody else's life if I just slashed out my own.

I Am Going To Challenge Panic! At The Disco In Making The Most Ridiculously Long Title To Anything Created By Man, Which, I Think I Have Achieved.

Hehe. I love parodying dumb poser bands.

Anywho-how, CCA Promotion Day went on as planned today. Well, not quite as planned. Turns out I wasn't late.

AMAZING!

I came at around 7.35, where Bernie was already setting up stuff. Set up laptops, played Through The Fire And Flames...then, with the advent of Nat the Bat, turned on MCR's Life On The Murder Scene.

It was fun at first...but got boring later...

So we decided to speed Gerard up and made the funeral dancers twitch violently in front of the mourners, making them look like a mass orgy...of sorts.

Then, I scooted around the school with Fai recording the various CCAs and brashly advertising Infocomm and LDS on the way as well. In my own speshul Tiky way, of course.

Which includes random shouting and excessive hand gestures usually associated with violence.

It was very boring, truth be told. Perhaps it was due to the fact that we, being seniors, were manning the whole operation shebang, but still. There was something missing; it seemed all too empty compared to the previous years of CCA Promo. Heck, why am I even reading in so deep into these things? I got my black Infocomm shirt. I should be happy. (:

By the way, Natalie, just because Shippou is a weakling compared to the others in the Inu travelling troupe, it DOES NOT MEAN that all kitsunes are useless. I'm a demon warlord, okizay. Yeah, okay, so I don't exactly have powers made for destruction. But I can trick anyone's ass upside-down and silly with my transformation. And I have weapons to wreak havoc with. Ch'yeaaaah.

Besides, who doesn't like teh fuzzy orange fox? :D

Imma Be A SOUL Rocker, Mama.

HURRRR HURRRRRR HUHRRRRRHRHRHHRHR DRAGONFORCE BABYYYYY YEAAAAAAAAH

:D

You know what? Screw art. If I don't make it there, I'm going to rock the world like they do. Imma be a RAWWKSTARR.

That's my life's plan B.

Tiky the timebomb.

Honestly, looking back at what I've done and how far I've gone, I'd say I've done a lot of things on impulse. There was this time I tackled a girl to the ground in primary school, smoked a Marlboro red one rainy Sunday afternoon, read my sister's diary, jumped down a flight of stairs to see if I could land safely, when I couldn't...

Yeah. Real dumb things.cr

One might ask, with exasperation and gentle pleading,"Why, Tiky? Whyfore must thou subject thyself to such brute dumbassery? WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID, YOU FAT BASTARD?!"

Well, that's just it.

I have no clue.

It's almost as if there was some kind of invisible trigger mechanism deep inside my gut that goes BANG whenever something challenging my mortality comes my way, be it kicking the cat or dashing across the road before the green man even lights up. It's sort of like taking crack downed with Fanta and coffee. I GO LIKEA ROCKET GO SHOOOOOOM-SHOOOOOOOOM.

Then again, these periodic outbursts of random high-risk taking are just that - periodical. Or course, nobody knows for sure when they will pop up, but they can be detected with symptoms such as excessive jittering and loud exclamations of HAAAAAW SHYTE IMMA FEEEELIN' HIIIIIGH TODAAAAAAY! *gasping, choking noise*

So, do be on the lookout if you see an unnaturally happy Tiky bounding along the corridor, grinning dementedly at the walls.

It may just be the last thing you see.

TEH CARAMELLDANSEN!!!

Let's just start with a video that kept me up till 3.30 am, dancing the Caramelldansen.




IT'S JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY, ISN'T IT?! I was doing the stupid dance before I went to sleep, after I woke up, after bathing, and out the door! KYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~

You just HAVE to dance the Caramelldansen! 8D

Hey-hey-he-he-hey Charlie the Unicorn Remix

This is too freaking funny. It's my ringtone now.

Hope this made your day, lulz.

Inner Animal.

You know, I've always found the mutant ability to transfigure into a different animal highly interesting. Call me weird, but the idea of being all furry and clawed is just the coolest thing in the world. That's why BeastBoy's my favourite Teen Titan.

Well, maybe without all the green. I'd rather be a flaming shade of vermillion.

But to be part animal? I've always wanted to be one, ever since I was a kid.

This might explain why I love werewolves so much more than vampires. I just don't tick with the whole sexy, pale-as-death, come-hither-and-I'll-suck-you-dry thing. Too serpentine for my tastes. They are cold, and undead, and irregularly angled. Like

But the loup-garou, the lycanthropes...the werewolf. Now that, you can feel the warmth, the pulsing blood, the wilderness. There's just so much fire under all that dark, matted fur, the same fire that runs within the predators of the forest. Passion that burns, and fuels the rush and thrill of the hunt.

This is also the reason why I'm a kitsune. ^_^

Anyways, I took this test on a website. It says I'm a Wildcat, and possibly, also a Fox.













Try it out!