Of Things To Come.

These past few days have been a sleepy sort of sunshine for me. Ive been smiling and scritching a lot. Maybe it's the warm weather thats caused a build up of fuzzy sensations. Maybe it's the holiday vibes. Whatever the case, no matter how good it feels, the tingling feeling of more sinister things to come remains. Kind of like when you enter a dimly-lit area in Halo that has several ammo packs, and then the background music makes a sudden transition. You know, when you can even smell that Brute pack lurking in the map somewhere.

I wish I'd taken the mid-years. I have a feeling that the lack of stress would be my downfall later on in the year.

Speaking of which, it seems almost surreal that the major exams, the ones I've been preparing for almost four years now, are barely five months away. Not to mention that the comfortable atmosphere of being in this secondary school would vanish along with it. The familiar faces, smells, sights and sounds...all gone. Perhaps, if Im lucky, I'd manage to sieve out a few faces from the crowd of strangers, but even so, I'm not guaranteed a friend. More importantly, would I even get to a JC?

It worries me sometimes, when I lie awake in bed, before I shut my eyes and go to sleep. What lies ahead. Well, not so much my future, but the current obstacles hindering my path. That path, that journey everyone makes to find their own peak of happiness. Success. And whether I'd be satisfied with what I'd achieved on this planet, as I lie on my deathbed. It's the worst kind of death imaginable, having unfulfilled dreams beforehand. It's the sort of thing that would rouse spirits from their graves, causing them to wander aimlessly on the face of the earth.

But back to my main point. I wonder if I'd turn out like the people I look up to today. Would I stick to the ideals I had so fiercely defended in my youth? Would growing up, perhaps, force me to change my beliefs and adopt others? Would I change? In these four years, I have grown so much, and changed so vastly, that it scares me to imagine what my past self would think if she saw what I have become. Metamorphosis. In these four years, I have learnt a lot, and not just from stacks of paper and books. Maybe I'm young, and maybe I'm stupid, but I don't think I can deny the fact that time – and the people around me – have shaped me to become the person I am today.

Maybe it's just adolescent agonizing. Perhaps it's the mere transition from child to adult. But whatever the case, I think I finally am growing up, little by little. And though it scares me shitless when I stop to think about it, there's nothing much I can do but give the future a smile, and walk towards it with open arms.


And of course, with my eyes open too, in case I trip over a rock and fall on my face while walking there.