Full Moon?

God help me.

I thought I was okay when I saw the moon yesterday and felt nothing, but it was only momentary.

The adrenaline rushes are starting to seep in, and I can't even see the moon yet.

So far, so good. I haven't gotten any morbid tendencies just yet.

But oh-my-GOODNESS, my head's going extremely trippy.

I need to run, VERY VERY far and FAST.

Mmmmmmphhhhhhhhhhh.

Yesterday was super awesome, by the way.

I'm still grinning like a mad idiot.

Or maybe that's just the lunar effect.







AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH, IT'S LIKE SOMETHING'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE IN MY LEFT VENTRICLE BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmphhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I've been trying to listen to soft music, but it does nothing.




I hope it goes away before Monday.

Two Quizzes, A Poem And Something Of An Incoherent Rant.

1.How tall are you? 163-164 cm. I have no idea why it fluctuates.

2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship? Lol. Do I look like a frisky sort of person?

3. Do you own a gun? No, duh. I wish I did, though.

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be? Delusional disorder. Wiki it up.

5. How many letters are in your crush's name? Seven. No, sixteen. Wait, wait, six. Argh, forget it.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? They should come in smaller buns. And larger sausage sizes. I'm craving meat currently.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? FRAAAAAWSTEEEEE THA SNOWMAAAAAAAAAAN...*goes horribly off-key*

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Juice, but I never get it.

9. Do you do push-ups? Two weeks before NAPFA. Then I start panicking.

10. Have you ever done ecstasy? ...do I look like a junkie to you? Wait, don't answer that.

11. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? ...moo?

12. Do you like the rain? Most days. It gets better when you're at home, all warm and toasty under the comforters.

13.Do you own a knife? Yes. *shifty eyes*

14. What do you smell like? Wet rags.

15. Do you have A.D.D.(Attention Deficit Disorder)? No, but I sure look like I do sometimes.

16. Full initials? S.AB.L

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:

• Eating grilled salmon
• What time some person is going to call me
• How I'm going to fare for SPA

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought today:

• A pack of 4 AAA Batteries
• Grilled Salmon with Spaghetti and Potato Salad
• Breathmints

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink, in order most to least.

• Water
• Tea
• Milo
• Milk
• Cordial

20. What time did you wake up today? 6.10 a.m

21. Can you spell? Enough to save my life.

22. Current worry? Whether I'm gonna make it through the O's.

23. Favorite place to be? Outside, walking on my own.

24. Least favorite place to be? In the midst of a packed crowd.

25. Where would you like to go? The moon!

26. Do you own slippers? Yeah.

27. What do you think you'll be? A graphic novelist.

28. Do you burn or tan? Tan, but only very slightly. I'm far too dark to burn anymore.

30.Yellow or blue? Blue. Yellow sucks.

31. Would you be a pirate? YAAARRRR!

32.Last time your cell rang? 5.30 p.m...three missed calls. My phone was on silent...sorry!

33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Um. Stuff from Creed and Nickelback. I don't sing, I caterwaul.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Oh, I remember when I was a little kid, after closing my eyes to go to sleep, I'd squeeze them as tight as possible so I wouldn't open them again. Because I was afraid of opening my eyes, and seeing the hollowed-out, badly decomposing face of a corpse, like I did in one nightmare.

35. What's in your pockets right now? Lint. :D

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Jeff Dunham's ventriloquist act on YouTube.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? These sheets which had squares in every colour of the rainbow on them. They made me feel all woozy.

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Jumping really high on my paren'ts bed, falling off in mid-leap and landing head-first on my skull. On the stone floor. God knows how I survived.

39. What is your GPA(Grade Point Average)? YOU SO DON'T WANNA KNOW.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Just the one.
41. Who is your loudest friend? All of them.

42. Who is your most silent friend? Tiggy. He never speaks.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? I ate some jellybeans. They tasted very nice. Sorry. what was the question again?

44. Do you wish on stars? I pray to God.

45. What is your favorite book? The Kite Runner. Still.

46. What song did you last hear? Our Song by Taylor Swift.

49. What were you doing 12AM last night? Spacing out, because I took a nap earlier on.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? How much I didn't get to sleep.

51. Does anyone know your password to your email? Nobody. NOBODYYY.

52. What was the last thing you ordered at McDonalds? An apple pie.

53. Are you an emotional person? I really have no idea. I can swing from emotional to stoic just like that. It depends on what I'm currently thinking of.

54. Do you like your school? Very much. Yeah, laugh.

55. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in love. But not at first sight. That's called being horny.

56. Ever felt jealous of your friend? Sometimes. I'm generally cool with most people.

57. What was the last thing you did? Trying to complete this quiz. Still doing it.

58. Who is right next to you? My younger sister.

59. Who was the last person you ate with? Diyana. Then we got stuck under the umbrella bench, 'cause it was raining all around us.

60. What song are you listening to right now? Get Down by the Backstreet Boys. Yes, LAUGH.

61. How's the weather right now? Cold and rainy.

62. Last person who called you today? My mother. Again.

64. Last song you sang? Stop and Stare by One Republic. And as I said

65. Last time you danced? Sports Day mass dance practice for P.E today in the hall.

66. Lost a friendship over something stupid? I very nearly lost one of my best friends in primary school. But we're cool now.

67. Last thing you ate? Toast.

68. Been really depressed before? Is this some kind of trick question?

69. Faked being sick to miss school? Only when extremely necessary. *cough cough*

70. What time did you wake up today? LOL, REPEATED QUESTION.

71. Current taste? Fish. Don't ask why.

72. Who is the person that posted this survey? I got it from Bernie.

73. What are you wearing right now? Sec 3 class shirt and camo shorts.

74. Are you too shy to ask anyone out? I don't think so.

75. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ...nothing?

76.Where are you right now? Home.

77. What date and day is it? 19th March, 2008, on a rainy Wednesday.

78. Did you go anywhere today? School?

79. What did you do there? Some educational bullshit. And some studying afterwards.

80. How old are you? I turned 16 in February.

81. Are you mature or immature? I tend to display both traits.

82. Do you call your parents by their first name? Hell no. She'd skin me alive.

83. Are you an only child? Second in four siblings.

84. Where do you go shopping? I don't.

85. Do you like where you work? I wish I could start working.

86. Do you like books? Sort of.

87. Do you want to get married? The thought of holy matrimony scares the sh*t outta me.

88. To whom? I DON'T WANNA!

_________________________________________________________

Greed:	Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Medium
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	High

Discover Your Sins - Click Here




...at least I'm not lustful.

__________________________________________________________

Warmth.

There are many things unspoken
which need not be said.
Silences are left unbroken
and prudence left for dead.
There are many things that do not need
a voice to take a form.
When emotions grow and start to take seed,
we break off from the norm.
Linked are our hearts to our minds,
with feelings in between.
So read my gestures, hark the signs
as I make my feelings seen.
I speak not a verse, read not a rhyme
as I sit here next to you.
I'll just slowly spend all of my time
showing just how true
this velvet joy, this quiet bliss
is as the blood that runs
through my veins as we once kissed
under a thousand splendid suns.

This is badly, badly unfinished. I need some help. Any takers?

_________________________________________________________

RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT RANT

...seriously, what the hell?

What Siti Atiqah Bte Lukman Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. People see you as a complete enigma, and only you truly understand who you are. You spend most of your time introspecting and seeking truth. You're a very interesting person... but not many people know you enough to realize it. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life. You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip. People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them. You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated. You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want. You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way! You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Love Is NOT A Fallacy.

So, I was just reading this short story by Max Shulman, entitled Love Is A Fallacy, for English period. We're supposed to discuss this passage after the holidays, but I just thought it would be better to just let out everything that's been going through my mind as well. It's also partly due to the fact that the title kind of pissed me off.

First off, what is a fallacy? According to Dictionary.com, it's a deceptive, misleading, or false notion or belief. For example, saying that the world is flat, THAT'S a fallacy.

Basically, the dumbass in the story ultimately comes down to that particular conclusion. And why? Because he was too much of a logical analyst, I suppose.

Now, most of you may be scratching your heads, wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Surely a left-brained person, with more cerebral and practical thinking patterns would come to something that made more sense? No, not necessarily. In fact, it's more likely that the more you try to think rationally, more systematically, making everything more computerised...the more it starts to make less and less sense.

Let me explain. Normally, as human beings, it is ingrained in us the tendency to want to make order out of chaos, to organise. It's one of the instincts made special for us homo sapiens. Heck, even within us, there are several systems set for us to regain an enviroment of normality. I'm talking about the process of homeoestasis. Without this system of constant maintenance, choas would ensue, followed by near certain death. It's the same thing with out obsession to keep things in line. It just goes against our most basic natures, what evolution has carved out for us.

But being people, being human souls, that just takes it to a whole new different dimension. We are probably the only species on Earth that have within us the gift of compassion; that is, the ability to sympathise with other creatures. It is this, combined with all the emotions given to any living person that separates us from the other beasts. It is the stuff that drives us to do the most remarkable acts of heroism, compassion...and yes, remarkable acts of love as well. We are not merely black and white; rather, a spectrum of colours in between. And that is why sometimes, things seem a whole lot simpler if we just listened to our hearts.

So how the hell can anyone come up to you and say,"Hey, all this talk about love is just fricken' bullshit." Hell, I'd go up to that person, smack him upside the face and tell him to go back to his mom and tell her how much she means to him. Love is about as real as it can get. Sure, there's about a bajillion different meanings for this quirky little four-letter word, and you can't really put a finger on it, but each and every one of us have a bit of it ingrained in us, ticking and beating along to the rhythms of our heart. It's as real as you and me. And if you still insist on love being a fallacy, heck. This whole goddamn WORLD is fucking fake.

And why do I believe so whole-heartedly in this, you ask?

Because, judging by the circumstances coming my way and weighing the reasons for it all, I think I'm slowly falling in love myself.

God, I Suck.

And I mean the above in a 'GAWD, I sssssuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh-ckk' sort of way, scrunching my face up for effect.

To my fellow debaters and class, you guys did super well. Especially ZJ, who was honestly flipping out beforehand. You guys made our class proud. I'm just really, really sorry I couldn't do as well. I hope you find it in your hearts to forgive me somehow, because I honestly can't forgive myself right now. I just can't believe I completely blanked out in front of two classes, WITH all my points right in front of me.

I had my stuff.

I was prepared.

So why the hell did that happen? That was totally uncalled for. That was not part of the plan. I wasn't supposed to freak out. I wasn't supposed to just freaking WALK OUT on the whole thing. That was a disaster. That was a total, complete disaster and it was because of me that we lost. That's why I'm so disappointed with myself. If I had just kept calm, do what I was supposed to do and FOCUS...even if we lost, I knew I put up a fight.

But I didn't.

I just went paper-white, empty porridge-bowl-blank.

I don't know what exactly happened; maybe it was because I was up against my friends. Maybe I got intimidated. Maybe I couldn't think up anything against the preposition fast enough. Maybe it was the motion. Whatever it was, EVERYONE went through it. So why didn't I make it?

Nevertheless, being the innocent souls they were, they applauded after I was done, even though they should've been stoning me instead. And even though I was on the brink of climbing the giant metallic structure behind me and hurling myself off the top in an attempt to commit hara kiri, I still managed to bearhug Trishna, Sally and Masyitah. I'm just really angry with myself for not giving them something to work against.

This was an easy victory for them.

This was honourless for me.

God, I suck. I suck so bad.

Thank for trying to make me feel better, guys.

This cheered me up a little bit.